


Random Akatsuki Incidents

by YenGirl



Category: Naruto
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-09-26 06:26:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9871421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YenGirl/pseuds/YenGirl
Summary: Each member of the Akatsuki was an S-class rogue ninja, capable of striking fear into the most hardened shinobi's heart. Ultimately though, they were still human... mostly.





	1. In which Itachi loses his necklace

**Author Notes:** Hello everyone! Welcome to my first attempt at tackling the Akatsuki. *hangs head and sighs* Yes, the Akatsuki. I've sunk to an all time low if I'm trying to make villainous villains sound... nice LOL There's bromance if you squint. Enjoy :)

 **General Warnings:** Spoilers for Naruto Episode 82 (Eye To Eye, Sharingan vs. Sharingan!) Words in italics are taken directly from the episode.

 **Rating:** 'T'

 **Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

\- Chapter Start -

_"Kurenai, get Kakashi to the Medical Corp," Gai ordered. "Asuma, you'll be my backup."_

_"Got it," Asuma said with a nod._

_"Alright, I've sent word to the Anbu Black Ops, but until they get here, we'll hold them off just you and me," Gai said, turning to face Itachi and Kisame._

_"Interesting," Kisame remarked with a feral grin. "I'll give you credit for guts."_

_"No, Kisame," Itachi vetoed. "We're pulling out."_

_Kisame turned to him in surprise._

_"We're not here to fight a full scale battle," Itachi explained. "Tempting as it may be, it's not the way to do this. Let's go."_

_"That's too bad," Kisame said. "It was just getting fun. They don't know how lucky they are."_

_The two of them vanished._

\- o -

When they reappeared, it was at a hilltop overlooking the Leaf Village, the wind blowing back their robes and Itachi's long hair.

"What a letdown," Kisame complained. "Getting me all excited and then - phft! Nothing."

Itachi regarded him with a hint of exasperated amusement.

"You will get your chance to fight Might Guy another day," he said.

"You mean that mighty stupid looking guy?" Kisame scoffed, refusing to be appeased.

"He's a jonin and he's strong," Itachi cautioned. "He won't be easy to take down."

"Piece of cake," Kisame said with a careless shrug.

When no reply was forthcoming, he turned to see Itachi frowning, one long fingered hand splayed at his neck where his Akatsuki robe collar was still open.

"What?"

"It's... it's gone," Itachi muttered.

"What's gone?" Kisame demanded. Other than his chance for a fight, that is.

Itachi turned to him, his face unreadable.

"My necklace. It's gone."

Kisame's forehead wrinkled as he peered at that bare neck. Ah yes - Itachi used to wear a delicate chain with small circles on it.

Pretty little thing. Wait - what?

"How should I know where it is?" he snapped.

"I have to find it," Itachi said. "I can't - I have to find it!"

Kisame squinted at what looked like a flash of panic in those dark eyes. Then he frowned, thinking.

"Well, it could've dropped off earlier when we confronted - hey!"

A strong hand grabbed his arm, Itachi's dark eyes narrowed with resolve. In the next second, they were back in the Leaf Village, standing beside that canal as before.

"Which means it's got to be somewhere here," Itachi said, continuing their conversation. He released Kisame's arm and looked around. "I think... yes, perhaps when Kurenai tried to put her Genjutsu on me."

Kisame noted there was no one around this time and his lips turned down. Too bad those four shinobi had already left. Seeing Itachi scanning the ground, he rolled his eyes and folded his arms across his chest. So much fuss over one little trifle!

"Well, you go ahead and look for your bauble," he drawled, his voice taking on a mocking tone. "I'll just-"

Itachi's head whipped around to him.

"Kisame. We need to find that necklace. _Now."_

"Huh-uh. You lost it, you find it," Kisame said and reached over his shoulder to caress Samihada's handle. "Perhaps that Gai fellow will return and I can have my fight after all."

When Itachi took a step closer to him, eyes narrowing, Kisame acted on instinct, squeezing shut his own eyes at once.

"Don't you use that trick on me, Itachi!"

Silence strung out for a long moment and then a soft sigh sounded.

"No Sharingan, Kisame. I promise."

Slowly, Kisame opened one eye and then the other.

"Help me look for my necklace. Please," Itachi requested, an underlying note of desperation in his voice.

Kisame pressed his lips together before rolling his eyes again.

"Fine."

\- o -

_Ten minutes later..._

The two of them must look like idiots, Kisame groused to himself as he and Itachi continued to walk up and down the pavement, heads down and hands clasped behind their backs. If Pein could see them now, he would whip their uniforms right off of them.

Kisame scowled. The security in this village was all kinds of lax if no one had noticed their presence up until now. Straightening up, he rolled his head from side to side to ease his neck muscles. Then he saw it - a glint in the water about fifteen feet away. Without a word, he climbed over the wall and onto the water, walking towards the source of that sparkle.

"Here it is!" he called as he held aloft the necklace in one dripping wet fist. Then he blinked; Itachi was at his side almost before he had finished speaking, a soft exhalation brushing his cheek as the necklace was plucked from his fingers.

"You found it," Itachi breathed, his eyes warm as his other hand gripped Kisame's shoulder with almost bruising force.

An instant later, they were back at that hilltop, the speed at which they traveled almost making Kisame sway when he was released.

Itachi tried to fasten the necklace around his neck with trembling fingers, but it fell to the ground instead. With a frustrated sound, he bent down and picked it up. Again he tried to fasten it around his neck and again he failed.

Kisame stared at him. It was a novelty and an amusing one at that, seeing Itachi, _the_ cool and collected Itachi Uchiha - fumble with so simple a task, but well... Kisame cleared his throat and stuck out a hand.

Itachi turned his head, staring at his hand before looking up. Very slowly, he proffered his necklace with the air of one offering his most precious possession.

When Kisame took it, Itachi turned around. He pulled up the front of his Akatsuki robe so that it hung lower at the back to expose his neck before lifting his ponytail out of the way.

This time, it was Kisame's strong fingers which trembled as he looped the delicate chain around that long pale neck. Faced with such an intimate task, his fingers slowed automatically as they worked the tiny clasp, trying not to notice how soft Itachi's skin felt against his calloused fingertips.

If the two of them had looked like idiots before, they must look even more so now, he thought with grim humour. If Pein could see them now, he would whip their uniforms right off of them _and_ stomp on them for good measure.

"There you are, the two of you," said White Zetsu in his soft, sing song voice. "I'll just report to Pein that you... what _are_ you two doing? Oh, playing with jewelry."

With those languid words, Zetsu slipped back into the ground, leaving Itachi and Kisame staring at that spot and then at each other in horror.

"Zetsu!"

"We're not playing with anything!"

"Get back here!"

\- Chapter End -

 **A/N:** Thank you for reading! Please leave a review if you enjoyed :)


	2. In which Deidara catches a cold

**Author Notes:**  Here is the second chapter featuring a different pair. Bromance if you squint really hard. Enjoy :)

**General Warnings:** Nothing major that I can think of.

**Rating:** 'T'

**Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

\- Chapter Start -

The weather in the Land of Water was dismal, Deidara thought sourly to himself. It rained all day and night, everyday, making it virtually impossible to go anywhere without getting wet.

"Why does the Akatsuki headquarters have to be here?" he grumbled as he stomped up to the bungalow one afternoon, wet through to the skin and shivering. "Why didn't Pein choose somewhere warm and sunny, hn? I can't even fly my clay birds without them turning to mush!"

Huffing to himself, he slammed the front door shut and stood in the hall, squeezing rainwater from his long blond hair and ignoring the growing puddle at his feet. Tobi poked his head from the living room.

"Deidara-senpai, you're back! Ooh, you're soaking wet, you're going to catch a cold!"

Deidara sniffed and swept his wet bangs off of his forehead.

"Please, someone like me doesn't catch a cold because of a little rain," he scoffed. Giving his hair a final squeeze, he headed for the stairs. "I'm off to take a hot sho - a - a - ahh choo!"

He blinked. Where had _that_ come from?

In the next moment, his vision was filled with orange swirls.

"Tobi was right, Deidara-senpai! You've caught a cold!"

Deidara glared at the single eye socket as he rubbed his nose with the side of his index finger.

"I do _not_ catch colds," he insisted.

"But-"

"No buts. I'm fine. I just need a hot sho - a - a - ahh choo! Ahh _choo!_ "

Deidara blinked his watering eyes and sniffled, caught by surprise yet again. He glared at Tobi who was almost dancing with glee at being proven right.

"I knew it! Deidara-senpai has caught a cold!"

\- o -

_Thirty minutes later..._

Deidara sat in bed with a new box of tissues on his nightstand, his mood as gloomy as the weather outside. He had sneezed a total of twenty times in that short period of time - three downstairs, two on the way upstairs, eight while having a hot shower and seven after being tucked up in bed.

Being ill sucked.

"Ahh choo!"

Make that twenty one. Deidara blew his nose on a tissue and scowled. He also felt feverish and his entire body ached.

Being ill _really_ sucked.

To make matters worse, he couldn't even sulk in peace. After dragging him up to his room, Tobi had pointed a finger at the adjoining bathroom and waited outside the door for him. When Deidara had emerged dressed in his pyjamas (printed with small clay birds), Tobi had chivvied him into bed and used the hairdryer so enthusiastically Deidara was sure every strand of his blond hair was now standing on end.

"Deidara-senpai, it's time to take a nap."

"I'm fine," Deidara repeated wearily.

"No, you're not," Tobi countered, "I've told Pein not to give me any new missions until you are well."

"Huh? Why you?"

"Because getting Deidara-senpai well again is my new mission!"

Deidara would have face palmed himself if he weren't busy blowing his nose again. As it was, he finished honking and glared at Tobi.

"I don't need your help," he snapped. "Just go away and leave me alone!"

Tobi froze. Then his shoulders drooped and he half turned away, head dipping.

"Why does Deidara-senpai not like Tobi?" he asked in a small voice.

Deidara blinked and stared at him, feeling an unwelcome stab of guilt in his chest. He swallowed and lay down.

"I, uhm... I just don't want you catching my cold," he mumbled. "That's all."

A few seconds of awkward silence passed.

"Oh!" Tobi sprang upright again. "So Deidara-senpai is worried about Tobi!"

He started fussing with the blankets while Deidara frowned.

"Hey, I never said-"

"But it's OK because Tobi won't get sick! Tobi never gets sick, Deidara-senpai! So don't worry!"

"I'm _not_ worried! Whoever said I was... a - ahh choo!"

A fresh tissue was pressed into Deidara's hand and he blew his nose again. Tobi busied himself by placing a basin of water on the nightstand and wringing out a face towel (black with a red cloud motif on it) in the water. He then folded it and placed it on Deidara's forehead.

A second later, he shook his head, removed the towel, took off Deidara's headband (which Deidara had forgotten to take off) and replaced the towel.

Two seconds later, he shook his head again, removed the towel, took off the long range scope from Deidara's left eye and replaced the towel.

"Will you stop fussing already!" Deidara managed a near shout through gritted teeth. His hands were clenched into such tight fists, the mouths were trying to bite his fingertips in annoyance.

Tobi just tsk-tsked at him.

"There there, Deidara-senpai. You're cranky because you need a nap. In the meantime, Tobi will make you some chicken soup."

Deidara groaned.

"Soup is for the elderly! How about some bakudan* instead?"

Tobi shook his head and went to the door.

"Soup is also for the invalid," he chided. "Surely Deidara-senpai wants to get well as fast as possible?"

Well, that was true. Deidara fidgeted with the blankets and sighed.

"Wait."

Tobi turned around and tipped his head to one side in enquiry.

"Come here."

Tobi took a step closer and then another, tipping his head the other way as he approached the bed.

Before he could change his mind, Deidara reached out and grabbed Tobi's hand. He gave it a quick squeeze and let go before the surprised mouth on his palm could do anything.

"Thank you," he mumbled.

Another few seconds of awkward silence passed. Then,

"Ooh, Deidara-senpai does care for Tobi! That makes Tobi very happy!"

Deidara could hear the big smile in those words. He shrugged and snuggled deeper under the blankets, closing his eyes.

"Whatever you say, Tobi."

"Sleep tight then, don't let the Leaf Ninja bite."

Deidara heard Tobi going to the door and opening it.

"A-a ahh choo! What the -!"

"Hah," Deidara said softly, opening one blue eye to peek at Tobi who hastily left the room and closed the door behind him.

When a couple more sneezes sounded outside his room, Deidara closed his eye and grinned. It looked like someone else would have to cook chicken soup for the two of them.

Perhaps he could persuade them to make bakudan instead.

\- Chapter End -

**A/N:** *bakudan - boiled eggs in surimi, Deidara's favourite food. Thank you for reading! Please leave a review if you enjoyed it :)


	3. In which Kisame craves shellfish

**Author Notes:** Hello everyone! Here is the third chapter featuring Itachi  & Kisame again. Bromance if you squint. Enjoy :)

**General Warnings:** Nothing major that I can think of.

**Rating: '** T'

**Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

\- Chapter Start -

The task of capturing Roshi, the four tailed jinchuriki, was assigned to Kisame and Itachi. They set off on their journey early in the morning and before noon, Kisame's stomach was growling its urgent need for sustenance. He ignored it as best he could, tramping through the forest alongside Itachi, but the latter soon stopped and looked all around, as if trying to locate the source of the rumbling.

Annoyed, Kisame opened his mouth to make a snippy retort... something along the lines of 'No, that's not thunder or an earthquake' or perhaps 'Yes, you heard right -that is my stomach' or even 'Don't Uchihas also need to eat sometimes?'

As usual, Itachi beat him to it.

"I hear flowing water," he remarked, speaking for the first time that morning. "There must be a river nearby. We can find something to eat there."

Kisame closed his mouth and nodded.

Better.

Much better.

They found the river less than half a mile ahead. It was Itachi's task to start a fire and set up camp (if it were night) and Kisame's to look for food, an agreement they both preferred. Itachi too, was a very efficient hunter, but he tended to place more emphasis on filling up one's stomach instead of pleasing the palate. When it came to seafood, that inevitably meant fish - easy to catch, clean and eat - instead of shellfish - tiresome to catch and clean with far less meat for one's trouble. Not that Kisame found shellfish troublesome at all; they were his favourite food.

A half hour later, Kisame returned, scowling as he held aloft four medium sized fish. This particular stretch of the river only stocked fish... and not very tasty ones at that.

"All I could find," he growled and thrust his catch at Itachi.

Itachi raised a delicate eyebrow, but accepted the fish without comment. He descaled and gutted them with the ease of long practice and soon had them cleaned and skewered on four sharpened sticks.

Sitting cross legged on the ground opposite him, Kisame watched in silence as Itachi slowly turned the fish and seasoned them with an aromatic spice he kept in his pouch. As soon as he deemed them cooked, he handed two to Kisame.

Both were seasoned and grilled to perfection. Kisame expected nothing less from his partner, his appetite and sharp teeth making short work of both flesh and bone. He wasn't satisfied though. Whether he was in the mood for shellfish or a fight, he didn't like leaving his cravings unappeased.

If Itachi noticed his bad mood, he made no mention as they doused the fire, tidied up and started walking again. Their next break came long after the sun had set. Kisame was hungry again, his sour mood having settled into sullen resignation.

"I'll go look for dinner," he muttered, but to his surprise, Itachi shook his head.

"Just gather wood for the fire. I'll start it when I return," Itachi said and disappeared before Kisame could voice an agreement or a protest.

In less than twenty minutes Itachi returned with his bounty in hand - a dozen large prawns and as many good sized crabs, all neatly trussed up with ninja wire. Kisame's jaw dropped and his stomach gurgled in anticipation.

"Where did you find those?" he demanded.

Itachi just shrugged and held them out.

Kisame stared at him for a moment before taking the shellfish. Itachi bent down to set the pile of kindling alight and Kisame got to work; cleaning the shellfish while expertly avoiding the razor sharp pincers and legs. After he skewered them on sharpened sticks, Itachi took over the cooking, sprinkling them with sea salt as he slowly turned the sticks.

The aroma of grilled seafood was so mouth watering Kisame was sure he was drooling. He went to wash his hands in the river, taking the opportunity to wade in and squint around. There were no crabs or prawns to be found and he couldn't help wondering - not for the first time - at his partner's skill.

He was pleased Pein had paired the two of them together. Kisame had no patience with partners who squabbled and levied death threats at each other all the time... like Hidan and Kakuzu, or those who argued endlessly about the definition of art... like Sasori and Deidara.

Give him Itachi Uchiha anytime - calm, dependable, unflappable and super skilled. He was about the only one other than Pein whom Kisame didn't argue with.

When Kisame returned to camp, the shellfish were cooked. It was all he could do to let them cool a bit before eating. He closed his eyes as he chewed, all the better to savour the sweet flesh and juice of freshly caught seafood. After swallowing his first crab, he opened his eyes to see Itachi's steady gaze on him, long pale fingers holding a skewered prawn, but not eating it.

"You aren't eating," Kisame pointed out the obvious.

"You enjoy my cooking," Itachi remarked instead, his voice matter of fact.

Kisame nodded. He saw no reason to deny what was already so obvious.

"Best meal I've tasted in years," he praised and meant every word.

"I'm glad," Itachi said softly. In the flickering firelight, his pleased expression and tiny smile looked almost tender. He held out the prawn. "Here, try this."

Kisame pressed his lips together, but accepted the offering. He must be sitting too close to the fire because his cheeks were starting to feel hot and yet he didn't feel the need to move away.

They ate the rest of their meal in silence, Itachi offering the largest of the seafood to Kisame, and watching him eat them with those dark, endlessly intense eyes, that pleased smile never leaving his lips.

\- Chapter End -

**A/N:** Thank you for reading! Please leave a review if you enjoyed it :)


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